Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
