Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
