White coat. Heels.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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