She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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