forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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