You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My hand turned me down
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
