Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My ass is underappreciated
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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