I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found the puke drawer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
