i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
