God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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