I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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