Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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