I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
