I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
