Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
