The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
