I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
