Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
