well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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