Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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