Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
