he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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