this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
