There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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