You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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