So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My pussy is not your playground.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
