he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
