32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
