Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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