When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
they call him Oral-B. enough said
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
