i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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