So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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