well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
