jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
