At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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