She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
