This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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