what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
