My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
