his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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