I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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