I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Alive.
So much puke
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
