forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
