what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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