We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
