Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
