Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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