1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
