Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
