Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
