he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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