Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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