Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
