I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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