so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
