The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
