last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
