Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
