i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Green mimosas i think yes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
