last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
