3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
