he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
